So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
