So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
