ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
