If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
