Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
