She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
