So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
