So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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