I think my vagina is haunted
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
