I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
