I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
