i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
