I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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