Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
