I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
