therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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