You can't special order awesome
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
