If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish i was in the wii world.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Pooping to opera.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
