i don't like sucking hair
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
