my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
