Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
