Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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