yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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