My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
