I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
