guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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