did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
