I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
