gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
