this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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