he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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