he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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