This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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