just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
