im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
