Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
