I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
