I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
