we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
