You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have tasted many bathrooms
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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