exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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