i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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