I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
