dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
