I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think I won the penis lottery.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize