Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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