Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
