we have pet lesbian snakes
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
