i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
