I want to make a zoo with you.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
