if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
