We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
