my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
